Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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