I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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