Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i have two assholes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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