Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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