Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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