My first STD was from a foam party
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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