i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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