i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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