I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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