i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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