we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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