So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
