I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
