thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
