I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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