Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
