I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize