I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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