that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
