I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
