vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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