i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
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