I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
