Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Porn is love you can see.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
