Do you still have your period?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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