are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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