maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
