Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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