OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i've created a new STD.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
