It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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