I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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