Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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