I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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