I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
