I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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