Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
