how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
