she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
