Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's official drugs can't kill me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
