Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
