Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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