I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i believe in u and ur pee
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
