she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
