i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
