Got a toothbrush?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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