And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
