Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
