I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids