Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
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Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.