if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
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At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
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Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.