my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
