We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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