There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
