you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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