census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sobbing to NWA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
