This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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