How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
