the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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