Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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