i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
