Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
