i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
