i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
