I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
