she was so not down for the gang bang
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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