taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
