Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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